Pneumonia

Unfortunately, Jill's cough has gotten worse......she had a chest & neck xray last night following this terrible croupy cough & trouble getting air in. They put her on a narrow board, strapped her arms down by her side, tilted the top half of the board up so her head bent back (she was looking upside down), put massive headphone looking things on either temple & snugged them up, then taped her forehead & chin to the table (if you can picture this)....she fussed for me, I talked to her (they wouldn't let me stand next to her), and she calmed...."Mommy's right here, Gigi. Let's sing a song...." "Otay, Mommy, otay...." I started to sing & the tech said, "Shhhhh...I want her to cry (the inspiration would help make a better picture for the xray)." Ummmmmm....so, I'm supposed to pretend I'm not here while my poor little baby is strapped to a table, scared out of her wits? Okay, if it gives you a better picture. Gulp. "Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY?" Deeper, quicker breaths....quicker, quicker, sucking air for a huge explosion....SNAP,Click...."Okay, Mom, go get her." I dash...."It's okay, it's okay, it's okay....you did so GOOD!" I help get her unstrapped, untaped (OUCH), she's shaking, I'm shaking, she grabs onto my neck & wraps her legs around my waist, I start to sob. "I'm so proud of you, baby. I'm just so proud of you. You're such a big girl." She pulls back & looks at me, beaming. "Tan I have a Pwincess Stickuh?" I beam back through the tears. You can have THREE! She picks her three....Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella. It's a trio. You can't just have one....or two....the tech walks by, "Oh, which one are you going to pick? Only one....." Screw her. Are you kidding me? I say, "Cinderella it IS." as I hand Jilli Cinderella & put Snow White & Sleeping Beauty in my pocket.

She didn't sleep much at all last night. They started treating her for pneumonia today with breathing treatments & a different antibiotic. The nursing situation is a mess as far as we're concerned. Our nurse yesterday & today missed so much, some of which was no fault of her own, but it's no fault of mine either. I expect that when my child is sick & needs a certain medicine, she'll get it....not another one that she really shouldn't be getting or that one will be skipped because of an "oversight". Thank god Matt brought a lot of the mistakes to my attention...I was too sleep-deprived to notice. The dietician is phenomenal....she is giving us a lot of good ideas about different foods to try (Jill is having a tough time eating, mainly because it hurts to swallow) & she researches new "whims" Matt has along the anitoxidant or herbal supplement trail rather than blowing him off.....she spent a good deal of time talking to him via phone today about a supplement he inquired about. So, with the difficult times, there are smooth ones. It's a balance. I am disappointed at times, but extremely pleased at others. What more could we ask for? This is Life. If it were easy, what would any of us have to do?

Matt & I feel that no one should come visit until the pneumonia has cleared up....we can't go introducing other random viruses (that you may not know you have) until this one is completely gone (and please send your prayers/positive energy for full recovery from this.....a friend of ours is in the I.C.U. with pnuemonia right now...same cancer diagnosis....it could turn for the worse fast). Please also pray that she doesn't have strep throat. This is one of the 3 top killers for kids in this situation. As well as she has been doing so far, this ugly disease is certainly not going quietly......it reminds us how precious every second of play really is. Another reason why I may not answer the phone when it rings (I haven't given out the new room # mainly for that reason...one phone ringing when I can't answer it anyway is plenty...and the room phones don't have off switches). Jill needs every bit of love and attention I've got....Matt too. He is doing a lot of this work too....don't want people to forget about him just because I'm the "voice" of this blog. He is inspiring to me in his love for our baby & our family. We got to go out on a date the other night (thank you Lise!!! I just realized your name is not spelled traditionally......sorry about that!). We had a very romantic dinner at Think Bistro in San Pedro & I was reminded of just how much I love him. I am so proud of his strength & will to make this better. He is truly the backbone of this family. And SUCH an atypical husband! He cooks/cleans/shops/cares for the kids....all gladly. As if it should never be a question. We have a very EQUAL relationship. We respect each other greatly (at least, I hope he knows I respect him.....I can get a little out of line at times) and love each other tremendously. He'll post one of these days, maybe. If either of us should be a writer, it's HIM. Okay, enough.....I have been told firmly by a few close friends that I should be in bed by now.

Thanks for all the hard work you're putting into the drive, Mom & Dad. I'm sure it will be awesome...the quantity doesn't really matter.....it's the love behind it, and the awareness you're raising. We are not comparing efforts from one drive to another, so I hope no one who is helping with one feels that way. I want you all to know how much we love you & appreciate every little thing you do & say to help support our baby through all of this.

Cousin Kev comes in on Wednesday.....hope he's bringing his apron, toilet-scrubbing gloves, & butler outfit. Boy do we have a job for him.