Adjusting, but keep reading...need help....

So, I'm sitting in the hallway at 4pm right next to boxes of our things and Jill (sleeping!) in her crib under the bright flourescent lights and people tramp tramp tramping up and down the hallway. (That girl could sleep through a football game in the middle of the field!). We are here because they are moving us to a bed by the window that is currently vacant (which means I'll get some sleep tonight!), but it hasn't yet been cleaned and the room we are moving out of is packed with people (a doctor and teaching nurse and interpreter who are explaining cancer to the new family of a one year-0ld. I feel for them, but don't want to listen to the "this is what your life will be like for the next _____ months" schpiel again). Matt moved us in last night with Jill (by himself--thank you thank you thank you) into a shared room on an A side (yuk!) and though our neighbors are as nice as they can be, I couldn't pass up the chance to get a little more privacy. We will likely stay in that room until either a) Jill gets a fever, which is expected with every treatment, but which I'm certainly hoping doesn't happen--she would then be in an isolated room, which would mean nobody in and nobody out or b) April 9th rolls around and this whole unit moves to a different wing of the hospital (due to the construction) and then we're still sharing, but the rooms are bigger & more private (with DVD players!), so really....we're set. Depending on who moves in, of course.....but at least Jill is a sound sleeper and I'll just practice wearing earplugs (or an iPod) more often. There are always ways to adapt. We'll work it out. It's almost over. It's almost over.

Thanks to all those who emailed me to say that I have every right to feel crappy and that I shouldn't apologize for complaining. Your words made me feel better. So it DID count for something and I wasn't irritated because you were trying. Okay, so now I have to pee again for the 16th time today (seriously...16...and it's only 4). Just wanted to let everyone know that I haven't done anything too crazy (yet) and that I'm still so happy for all of the support. Here's a few specifics:

Thank you Renee for hosting our Girls Night at your house (the Breakfast at Tiffany's Theme was priceless) and to all the girls who came to share their love and laughter...I needed that. Thank you Jen M. for the sweet care package you left at our door (Jill loves the mini-Cinderella set the mostest!). Thanks Karen for the Easter surprise you left on our porch (it feels like Christmas every day! I'm saving your goodies for a boring day at the hospital when I have them both). Thanks to Jen F. for the table/chairs (they've come in super handy already), the EXCELLENT dinner/lunch/dinner (that was a LOT of food!) and the bag of fun goodies for the girls.....they are still exploring. It was great to see you and Katie! Renee, thanks for making us such a wonderful 3 course meal (again!). The homemade (need I even SAY that....do you buy ANYTHING???) strawberry shortcake (ok, well, I guess you didn't officially "make" the strawberries) was freaking AWESOME. I'm dreaming about it right now......must call Matt and tell him that I noted a component in such shortcake that he is allergic to so he will not eat the rest while I'm here (heh-heh....sly smile....). Dina, thank you for taking Anna today....for meeting us at the curb and for not being at all offended by my quick dump and run (my alarm didn't go off). Thank you to Kristi & Ian for the munchies care package...you didn't have to mail it! Geez! I could've easily picked it up from you....but thank you so much....I'm on my 2nd package of nutter butters right now (and the baby is already thanking me for his/her early onset diabetes).
8 hours later..........
So that room switch really wasn't such a great idea. Our roommate tonight, though very friendly and social....is very friendly and social. And she had her entire senior class (it seemed) in our room tonight for a few hours. As soon as we got to move in (and Jill, unfortunately, woke up from her nap, giving me not a wink), they moved this chick in and it was a party! all! night! Hard Rock blaring from the computer (check out this cool riff!), 16 Candles blaring from the tv (Long Duck Dong! So Funny!!!!), so many bodies I had to (try and) politely ask them to move every single time I needed to get to something on her side (the sink, the cabinets with the washcloths, to door to escape). I lost it in the hallway...just broke down to my night nurse....I can't do this. I'll sleep on the floor in the hallway.....they tried to come up with solutions....we could move you here/there, but you're trading one crappy situation for another. I'm just spent. I'm done. How many times have I said that? I'm done? I can't be done. Who am I kidding? Every single day (and I mean this), I fantasize jumping in my car and just driving......driving.....up to the Redwoods....up the rocky Oregon coast.....ahhhhhhhhh.....fresh air, sunlight, quiet......no one needing a damn thing from me. Oh, yeah, except that baby in my tummy. What could I do about that? Welp, back to square one. Nothing to do but stay here and suffer. Enough with the "think positive" mantra. It ain't flyin'. I KNOW it's almost over. Don't SAY it again! I need help though, I really do. Just as I thought things were dying down over there on the A side (I even asked her to turn off her lights, which she did with slight protest), a relative of hers comes in at midnight (I had gotten, I think, a half hour total of decent sleep at that point)....lights on! speaking voices on! movement on! door open! Granted, she did shush this person, which I appreciated, and when I shuffled back in the room from the hallway port-o-potty (eeeeewwwww) and asked (without crying! look at me!) how long the lights would be on, they graciously said they were sorry and would be going to sleep in a minute, too....I said I was sorry for being bitchy...they kindly informed me it was no problem....am I really this person????? Matt has offered (kind, dutiful soldier) to take over every night. But what would THAT be like? Work/hospital/work/hospital....times 5? And no Anna all week (or rather, from Anna's point of view, no Daddy all week)?????

So here we go....I ask again (and like I say to God about Jill's cancer not coming back, if you do this for me I promise I won't ever ask for anything ever again!!!!!): would you please, if you can, help us? One more time???? We need volunteers to come up here (I've learned that very few of you have any daytime hours available) around or shortly after dinnertime (5/6) and stay the eve/overnight....to be relieved (on weekday mornings) by 8am (earlier if you need). If you can do this, please let me know as soon as possible. Jill is very adaptable....she is doing fine.....may be a little tired/sick from the chemo over the next few days, but after that (knock on wood), I think we'll be free and clear (but stuck in this place with no way out). I'm going crazy people. I seriously am losing my mind. Whatever you can do would be so appreciated.