Little Luna's Big Deal

Today was rough for Jill. She's having a lot of leg pain due to the leukemia cells loving the marrow in her "long bones". It's so hard to see her writhing in pain & there's nothing we can do. Thank God for Morphine. I'm in a bad head space right now, it being 12:15 am & so tired I can't sleep. I'm mad. I'm hurt. I'm in a fog. I'm lonely. But wait....this is not about ME. Ugh. This just f-ing sucks. Jill's watching Dora right now, sucking her thumb & twirling her hair....oh, those curls....I'm going to sooooooooo miss those curls! Ann brought her a Dorothy dress & ruby slippers today. She's asked for them a bunch of times, but I think her feet hurt too much to keep them on. We sing a lot. And her language skills still cease to amaze me. "Tate dis off me, Mommy" "Dora and Boots do to beach" "Montey pit up Tin Man and frow on foor". The other night, when Matt was with Jill, she said "I miss Mommy....Mommy yuv me....I yuv Mommy....Anna at home....Jilly no home". Sigh. She wants to hold my hand right now, so I guess I'm done typing. So disjointed is this entry. Sorry. Didn't realize you were going to get to see inside my soul, huh? (Geez, I just came for the update....).